I Think This Blog Is Really Starting To Take Off!

Why, you ask?

Well, two things have happened in the past week that have me super excited and anxious to write more.

First, it turns out that my blog is banned at Promedica for pornographic/prohibited content! That's right, one of my readers was at Promedica and was surfing the net using their WiFi and could not access When Life Keeps Handing You Lemons because, apparently, this site contains words and phrases inappropriate for the general public.

You have no idea how pleased I was with myself when I found that out. It did negate from it a little that the same reader tested my blog at Monroe Junior High School and was able to access it. Still, Promedica is a start. Besides, kids these days are desensitized to such talk.

Second: I have a hater! An anonymous hater, but a hater no less! I read somewhere that you haven't really made it till someone hates you. I know I only have 16 followers so far, but I know for a fact that my Facebook friends read, a few customers at work read and also, Anonymous Hater reads. So the followers count really isn't accurate.

Since I'm an open, sharing person I decided to answer Anonymous Hater's questions that he/she so kindly left on my post about the Eight Cent Tipper.

Here goes.

Anonymous Hater: perhaps get a better education and get a real job? Stop complaining when you're just a waitress at how old? You like to be stereotypical and harsh?well you're a waitress...one of the lowest jobs ever...

Dear Anonymous Hater,

First of all, thank you for reading! I'm glad that you enjoyed my blog enough to take time out of your obviously busy schedule of lurking the internet and leaving comments on the work of others without admitting your identity/ masturbating to my profile picture to attempt to make me feel bad about myself for being offended at receiving an eight cent tip. You really did make my day. I apologize it took me so long to notice your heartfelt, well-thought out remarks.

Now, on to the questions. To make it easier, I will answer them one at a time. I won't correct your lack of capitalization or improper use of question marks, because that's not why we're here, now is it?

perhaps get a better education and get a real job?

I don't understand... is this a question or a suggestion? Are you speaking to the internet in general, or me specifically?

I'm going to treat it like a question for posterity's sake.

I have an Associate of Applied Business degree in Paralegal Studies and am a Certified Legal Assistant through the National Association of Legal Assistants (NALA). I do apologize that this is not good enough for you. I'm assuming you are an Ivy League professor writing from your tower above all the other lowlife, working class people as you smoke a Cuban cigar and drink the blood of endangered animals while wearing a monocle. Do you by chance own a falcon?

Also, what consitutes a "real" job? I get paid, receive a paycheck and pay my taxes... did I miss something here? Please explain in your next rant so I can better answer your inquiry. Further, are you insinuating that unless a person works at one of these "real" jobs you speak of, it's ok to not pay them?

Stop complaining when you're just a waitress at how old?

How old do you THINK I am? (Fingers crossed that you guess below 25.)

Is there an age limit for waitresses that I was not informed of? If so, there's about to be a mass overhaul in the food service industry as a lot of us will apparently be retiring...

I wish I was as smart and talented as you are. I really do. I know we don't know each other very well, but you remind me a LOT of my ex-boyfriend, Mr. Murder, so I feel very close to you. If I were still into mental and emotional abuse, I would ask you out on a date. I have a lot of free time since I'm "just a waitress." Your words gave me a female boner (I would explain what this is, but I'm fairly certain the only vagina you've seen is your mother's as she was birthing you) and frankly, I'm still a little turned on as I write this.

You like to be stereotypical and harsh?well you're a waitress...one of the lowest jobs ever...

First of all, champ, I did not say I liked being stereotypical and harsh. What sort of monster do you think I am?

Taken from my post:

Stereotypical and harsh of me? Yes. Do I give a fuck? Not really. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you shouldn't be eating out at all, White Trash Skank! I'm not waitressing simply to spend time with you and your rude, Mountain Dew swilling family- I'm trying to pay my bills!

So you see, Anonymous Hater, I never said I enjoyed being stereotypical and harsh. I simply admitted I knew I was probably being such and that I did not, in fact, give a fuck.

(Wait. Waitressing is one of the lowest jobs ever? Is it lower than hooking, because if so I think I'm gonna switch to that since I think it might pay more... unless hooking doesn't count as a "real" job, in which case I might not be paid for services rendered...)

I'm trying to think how I can make you understand... ok, how about this? How would you feel if someone came to you and wanted you to train their falcon and then, after you did, they paid you for your time in Werther's Original butterscotch toffee candies rather than money even though everyone KNOWS you should always compensate a falcon trainer monetarily AND your monocle was destroyed in the training process? I mean, yeah, you'd have the candy to enjoy when you weren't busy puffing on those cigars/ jerking off while staring at pictures of me or yourself (or both)... but at the end of the day, you KNOW you deserve more than that for your hard work training falcons.

It's a lot like that.

Have I helped you to relate at all? I hope so.

Feel free to submit more questions; I'm off to buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate my first hater!

XOXOXO Amanda aka Lowly Waitress Girl